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Are Schools Teaching Girls to Say ‘No’?
In today’s world, where conversations about gender equality are gaining momentum, the role of education in shaping assertive, confident, and self-reliant young women has never been more critical. Schools have traditionally focused on academic excellence, but are they equipping girls with the ability to say ‘No’—to unwanted touch, peer pressure, and societal expectations that push them into compliance? From early consent education to breaking down leadership biases, this piece explores how educational institutions can do more to foster self-advocacy among female students.
The Need for Teaching Consent and Self-Advocacy
Teaching girls the power of ‘No’ isn’t just about rejecting physical advances—it’s about instilling confidence in their decision-making and personal autonomy. Girls must understand that they are not obligated to accept discomfort for the sake of being “polite.”
As highlighted in Pinky Promise, a book that explores boundaries and consent, forcing young girls to always be polite—such as requiring them to hug relatives or accept physical touch without their consent—sets a dangerous precedent. It teaches them that their discomfort is secondary to social expectations, making it harder for them to recognise and respond to inappropriate behaviour later in life.
Pinky Promise, a book that explores boundaries and consent
A real-world example of why consent education is vital comes from the story of Tara Dawes, a child sexual abuse survivor. At 13, she was groomed by a 19-year-old man, leading to pregnancy. Dawes now strongly advocates for comprehensive consent education in schools, stressing that if she had been equipped with the right knowledge earlier, she might have had the confidence to recognise coercion and resist it.
In India, organizations like RAHI (Recovering and Healing from Incest) have been instrumental in supporting survivors of child sexual abuse and advocating for consent education. Established in 1996, RAHI provides education and awareness about child sexual abuse and incest, along with training, capacity building, and skill development for victims
The Shortcomings of Current Educational Practices
Many schools across the world are making strides in teaching consent. In the UK, the Schools Consent Project runs workshops for students aged 11-18, covering essential topics such as harassment, sexting, and revenge porn. These initiatives aim to build a foundation of respect and understanding about personal boundaries.
However, some education systems are regressing. For example, several schools in the US have reintroduced abstinence-only education, eliminating lessons on contraception and consent under political pressure. Such regressive steps leave students ill-equipped to navigate real-life relationships and challenges, making them vulnerable to coercion and manipulation.
How School Culture Shapes Girls’ Confidence
Research shows that as girls transition into adolescence, their confidence levels drop significantly compared to boys. School culture plays a crucial role in shaping their sense of self-worth and agency. Are girls encouraged to take leadership roles? Do teachers unconsciously reinforce gender norms in the classroom? For instance, they may praise boys for being “assertive” while calling girls “bossy” for the same behavior. They might encourage boys to take up STEM subjects while steering girls towards literature or the arts. Even seating arrangements, classroom discussions, and examples used in lessons can reflect traditional gender expectations, subtly shaping how students perceive their roles in society. Recognizing these biases is the first step towards fostering a truly gender-inclusive learning environment.
Furthermore, moral policing in schools—such as dress codes that disproportionately target girls, body shaming, and the perception that “good girls” don’t challenge authority—further erodes their self-confidence. Schools must actively combat these outdated attitudes and provide an environment where girls feel empowered to express themselves freely, without fear of being judged.
Beyond the Basics: Comprehensive Sex Education
Sex education must extend beyond biological explanations to cover essential topics such as personal boundaries, self-advocacy, and healthy relationships. Many parents and educators hesitate to introduce such discussions at an early age, assuming children need to be “mature” before learning about consent. However, this delay does more harm than good.
Experts recommend starting these conversations early in a non-taboo manner. One of the most effective ways is by using books and storytelling, as suggested in Pinky Promise. Parents and teachers can also encourage children to ask questions, ensuring that they feel comfortable discussing sensitive topics without shame or fear.
Sensitizing Parents and the Community
Schools alone cannot drive change—parents play a crucial role in reinforcing what children learn in the classroom. Parents must be made aware of the importance of raising assertive girls who can advocate for themselves. Teaching them that they are not obliged to hug every relative, that their bodies belong to them, and that their voices deserve to be heard is key.
Additionally, society needs to address the harmful culture of moral policing, slut-shaming, and body shaming that disproportionately affects young girls. Educational institutions, families, and communities must work together to dismantle these damaging narratives.
The Leadership Gap: Why Aren’t Women in Power?
Teaching has long been a female-dominated profession, yet when it comes to leadership positions such as school principals, policymakers, and university deans, men still hold the majority of these roles. This disparity is not just a statistical anomaly—it sends a message to young girls about the limitations of their aspirations. If the very system that encourages women to become educators does not empower them to lead, what does it teach the next generation about gender roles and leadership potential?
India’s first female school principal, Chandramukhi Basu, broke barriers in the late 19th century when she became the principal of Bethune School in Kolkata,the first female head of an undergraduate academic establishment in South Asia. She set a precedent for women in educational leadership. Yet, more than a century later, leadership remains disproportionately male. Women often face biases that hinder their promotion—whether it’s the perception that they are less authoritative, the challenge of balancing work with societal expectations, or the lack of mentorship opportunities compared to their male counterparts.
Chandramukhi Basu, the first female head of an undergraduate academic establishment in South Asia
For real progress, schools must actively create pathways for women to ascend to leadership roles. Leadership development programs, gender-neutral promotion policies, and mentorship opportunities can help bridge this gap, ensuring that female students see role models in decision-making positions and grow up believing that leadership is within their reach.
Therefore, Teaching girls to say ‘No’ isn’t just about safety—it’s about building confidence, autonomy, and leadership skills. Schools need to integrate comprehensive consent education, challenge gender stereotypes, and work with parents to ensure consistent messaging. More importantly, we need to stop teaching girls that compliance is the key to social acceptance. Instead, we must encourage them to speak up, take space, and assert their rights unapologetically.
Bibliography
- Child Sex Abuse Survivor Tara Dawes Says Education Could Have Prevented Her Abuse | Adelaide Now | Link
- Schools Consent Project | Wikipedia | Link
- Some Florida School Districts Are Reverting to Abstinence Education | AP News | Link
- The Experts: Sex Educators on 16 Ways to Talk to Your Children About Consent | The Guardian | Link