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Parents, Thou Shall Not…
It is time to promise not to set off a vicious circle of violence – children who are beaten… beat. It’s time to be part of the campaign that ensures that mothers are known for nurturing and not for harming. It’s time for #Iwillnot.
It is quite amazing to see the alacrity with which parents rush to attack a teacher who might have slapped their child – of course, the teacher was wrong to do so! – but continue to roundly spank their kids at home.
While the Right to Education (RTE) Act prohibits any form of corporal punishment against children in schools, the situation is quite different at home. A nationwide survey conducted by First Moms Club (India) along with Early Childhood Association (ECA) shows that a whopping 77.5% parents resort to hitting children, with 28% admitting that they do this on a regular basis.
Almost 72% of the 1,790 parents surveyed stated that they felt guilty after raising their hands on their kids. However, 19% parents believed spanking was the only way to discipline their children. More details were thrown up by the survey: 76.4% parents who raised their hand did so as they lose their temper as the child ‘irritates’ them. Spanking also peaked during meals or during bedtime. What’s more, almost 69% parents were aware of the harmful effects of spanking on children, but found it difficult to control themselves. No, we parents don’t have a very good report card in this matter.
However, rather than ‘punishment’, there is awareness in store as Dr Swati Popat Vats, President of ECA, India avers, “The purpose of the survey was not to embarrass parents, but to bring this topic out in the open and raise more awareness about the same. We want to encourage trust based parenting over force based parenting.”
She points out that parenting can be both exhausting and exhilarating. “It is in the exhausting times that a parent may lose control and resort to hitting, spanking, or pinching their child. We are here to help you overcome the hand that hits and help you make it the hand that hugs. Parenting is where the ‘heart beats’ and not the ‘hand’.”
The solution lies in practicing ‘mindful parenting’.
Mothers spank children as they struggle to bring up children alone, as the father rarely participates. This leaves them overwhelmed all the time. Most experience inability to control their anger, irritation, and frustration. Trying to juggle home and career and ensuring that the child is well looked after, or giving up a career, adds to the frustration.
Additionally, some mothers believe it is okay to hit their kids occasionally – ‘after all, we love them so much’. This attitude is particularly dangerous. “I don’t judge mothers who hit their children but I definitely judge mothers who condone it, because there can be no excuse to resorting to violence when it comes to children,” points out Dr Swati, adding, “Don’t men who hit their wives use the same excuse? When did love become violence and when did love give you the sick power to hurt, humiliate and hit? If you really love your children then let your heart beat for your child and not your hand!”
Pointing out the rising incidence of violence in teens, she points out, “Children learn by imitation and when you try to control them with violence then they learn that violence is the solution for everything in life. And when you try to condone that violence by saying that ‘I hit you because I love you’ then you are bringing up ‘wife beaters’ and ‘acid throwers’. Love never, ever hurts or harms! In the words of Mahatma Gandhi, “punishment hardens children” and that is exactly what we are seeing today, children who have hardened emotions who kill, hit and harm because empathy is dead. How did it die? It was beaten out of the bodies of our children.”
It is not okay to conveniently blame hitting, pinching, and slapping one’s child on ‘frustration’. As the adult, the nurturer here, it is the parent’s responsibility to not give in to momentary weakness. “Mindfulness is all about realizing when your emotions are racing ahead of you, when your emotions are taking over you,” shares Dr Swati, adding, “Listen to your beating heart and control that hand that beats.”
It is time to stop making excuse and take ownership. It is time to promise not to set off a vicious circle of violence – children who are beaten… beat. It’s time to be part of the campaign that ensures that mothers are known for nurturing and not for harming. It’s time for #Iwillnot.
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